King of the Sliding Board

I have always been a push over, a door mat, pretty much anything you can take advantage of that's me. I am a bend over backward not to offend bite my tongue give up the last cookie kind of person with a serious helper complex. So it came as a bit of a surprise to me that upon having my first child I became a fighter. I knew the moment that I saw him that if anyone ever did something that hurt him or even so much as made him cry they would have me to answer to. All 5 foot 3 inches of raging mom.

I still remember him turning to me almost immediately when as a toddler someone else took his toy away.
"Mommy get it back!" His eyes would plead.
I know the compulsion to yank it back out of that "selfish" child's greedy paw and hand it to my sweet little innocent.
"We need to share, Beanie was playing with it" I would say handing it back and thinking that I was helping to win the battle.
 All the while not realizing what I was doing. I would swoop in as he wobbled a bit climbing a slide that was barely two feet off the ground.
"What would have happened if I wasn't there?" I would think internally patting my super mom self on the back. That's right no one will hurt him, not even him, not if I have anything to say about it.

But as he grew a bit it became apparent that I often don't have anything to say about it. I can't always make a diving catch and save him from a bumped head. I can't always step in and defend him from the myriad of non sharers and pushers that are other Mom's sweet little innocents.
What could I do? I was stressed, I was worried, I was waiting for the something that I just knew would inevitably happen. I started to pray fervently for courage and wisdom and to seek out other Mom's who had been around the block one or two (or three or four) times.

One conversation in particular sticks out in my mind as I stood on the playground with a seasoned mother of three. Her daughter began to climb the ladder to the monkey bars which were probably double her height. Her mother watched nonchalantly as I cringed fighting back the urge to jump after her as she took the leap and grabbed the bar.
"What if she had fallen!" I asked wondering how she could stay so calm and cool.
"What if she had?" She asked me "She would've gotten back up and tried again. She has fallen, many times. That's how she knows she can do it."

I was stunned silent and remember mulling this over. It almost seemed like she was telling me we SHOULD let our kids get hurt! I went home and did some soul searching and happened upon a blog post called Please Don't help My Kids by Kate Bassford Baker. It was about the struggle and responsibility that we have as parents to let our children make their own mistakes and discover their own strengths. It spoke to me in so many ways. As a Mom I say and truly believe that I am proud of my kids and that they can do anything they put their minds to. I know that they are individuals and that they need room to grow. So why would I stifle that? If I don't let them fail am I really teaching them anything at all? Will they ever achieve anything I know that they are capable of if they are too afraid they might get a few scrapes along the way? And how can they become functioning members of society if every time there is a small conflict I step in and create the resolution? I don't think that there are too many work places where they respond well to "I'm calling my Mommy."

That day I decided that I would take a step back. I started encouraging my son to say "No thank you" when someone did something he didn't like. To use his words and say "I'm using this toy" when he didn't want someone else to take it. Words are powerful when you use them confidently. When my daughter came along I was much more willing to let her try the ladders and the bridges and the slides. Did she get hurt a few times? Yes of course but she got kisses and got back up. She got braver as well.

By God's grace I felt like I was truly getting a handle on this "let them handle it" thing then this past weekend we came across an actual grumpy, cocky, I'm bigger so I'm better, bully on the playground. I was down below where Bean couldn't see me when he got to the slide.
"Excuse me can I go past and go to the slide?" I heard him ask.

"No." The older child responded "I am the king of the sliding board and I don't let any little kids go down."

I wanted to yell up "It's not your slide! Who do you think you are? If you aren't going to share then you get off the playground!" But I bit my tongue. I didn't do anything. I held my breath and I waited. I watched as my son barely skipping a beat said,

"Okay well if you were really the King you would let me slide down because real Kings want what's best for all the people."
"Well I'm a bad king. I like to sit here and make no one slide. You can try to climb over me but I'll push you down. What are you going to do?"

(At this point I wanted to push him down the slide but still I held my tongue.)

"I don't want to do that" Bean said looking like he might walk away. "Well, if you're a bad King" he then said thoughtfully "You would want to slide down yourself because Bad guys always do the fun stuff themselves."
The boy thought about it for a second and then turned around and slid down.
Bean said "Okay great! Now it's my turn." and slid down after him.

I was already feeling proud as a peacock but as they got back to the top my daughter Belle (who is two years old) was coming to the top of the slide. The bully started to push his way in front of her and regain his place as king of the slide when Bean stood in front of him.
"Hey" He said looking the kid right in the face "That's actually my baby sister. You can block the way from me and that's okay but she is just a baby and you need to let her through."
To my absolute amazement he stepped aside and let Belle slide down. Then he said
"Hey what's your name? Do you want to play tag?"
and off they went all conflict forgotten as I stood there beaming and close to tears.
Why does it matter? It's just a playground, it's just a slide. I could have stepped in and the conflict would have ended more quickly but as it stands I saw my son for who he can really be if I am willing to let him.
He is a small almost four year old boy, shorter than almost all of his friends, but he exhibited strength that I still don't know if I've got. He not only stood up to a bully, but made a new friend in the process. I know that not all conflicts will resolve so easily. I know that there will be times when he needs the help of a grown up and I will be happy to step in. But I now know to wait to swoop in until I am truly needed.
As we left the playground I told him I saw what he had done and that I was proud of him. He just smiled, "I used my words just like you said!"
As he said "Real kings want what's best for all the people." This is what we can create when we take a step back. We can give our kids a chance to implement what we truly want to teach them. Those lessons that we work daily to instill mean so much more if we let our children show us that they actually work. I am a proud yet sheepish Mommy as I write this today. Without advice and prayers I would never have even written this blog. It probably would've been titled "Keeping your kids safe: How small of a plastic bubble is too small?" I am proud to be part of the many who walk daily through this battle we call parenthood and I was thrilled to leave the playground holding the hand of the real king of the sliding board.

A Little of My Heart

Beanie and Belle,

Who are you? You are created for a purpose. You are made with a unique and blessed design. You are chosen by God, a plan has been laid out for you. You are special.
Belle, You are not special because you are beautiful, although some days I am blown away by your precious face.
You are special Beanie, You are not special because you are smart, although there are times that I am left speechless by your witty retorts.
The two of you are special because of the impact your path will have on the world. The mark you will make on the lives you touch as you grow will change history. You are special simply because you were created.

You do not have to be famous to make a mark. You do not have to perform outrageous stunts in front of millions to prove your worth. You do not and never will have to earn my love or anyone else's by any means but by being you.

I am sorry for the way the world is today. I wish that my apologies could make a change. That somehow I could make it so that self esteem was rooted in true understanding of your worth. Not in other peoples perceptions.
I wish I could walk with you Belle through junior high and high school and whisper in your ear, you are precious and loved! You are enough! You are worth it!
I wish that always you would believe me.

I wish for you Beanie that you would hear your father's voice above all others all the time. That you would know that you are strong and that respect and kindness are much more manly traits than belittling words and selfish tasteless behavior.
I wish that it would make the pressure disappear.

I wish most of all that I could hold on to right now forever. That you would be two and three and happy to play in a blanket fort secure in your place and purpose. Oblivious to the changes and expectations to come.
But I know that part of the blessing of being a Mommy, your Mommy, will be to watch you grow. To watch the struggles you go through and see you emerge victorious on the other side. I will ALWAYS be there for you even when the mistakes and trials are brought on by your own decisions. I will wait and pray as you journey on knowing full well that I can't see the whole picture.

I pray that as you grow you both take your responsibilities seriously. That you will step in when you see injustice, that you will be willing to stand firm even when your world seems to be crumbling. That you will feel the pain of those around you and not just walk on by. That you will brush aside the lies of our society and stand on truth. That you will support and protect each other when others seek to destroy.

This letter may seem premature. You are so young. Your biggest struggles right now consist of wanting to play with the same toy at the same time or wanting an extra piece of candy that has been refused. I am writing now today so that you will never be able to doubt that you have been prayed for, that you have a purpose. No matter the course of the rest of your life you have already made a mark. I love the two of you so much that today I am sharing a little of my heart with the world. You are, in whatever you do, doing it as a child of God and your mark will be eternal. I pray that you always remember and that it becomes written on your hearts,  You are special, You are precious, You are unconditionally loved.

Love,
Mommy

Happy to Be Stuck With You

I married my high school sweetheart at the ripe young age of twenty. Five years later here we are with two beautiful children and on the verge of buying our first home. I am not going to pretend that it has all been easy or act like we have some sort of fairy tale life. We have faced our share of relational hardships, especially financial hardships, and many times when it certainly would have been easier had we chosen a different path. I also am not naive in thinking that our troubles are over. We have a long road ahead of us but both of us plan to be walking it together, even the pitfalls.
 I can't count the number of times that people have looked at me wrangling my two crazies with concerned eyes and furrowed brow and told me "I could never do that." Or those times when I have had to cancel a night out because of a sick little one and I have heard  "I could never give up my life that way." I have even had a woman tell me straight out to wait until I turned 25 and I would realize that I have gotten myself stuck and would do all I could to get out. Well I am now almost 26 and I am still all in. When did a vow become a trap instead of a promise?
Our society has this intense focus on independence and each person being important in their own right. "I just don't know what I want right now. I need to figure out who I am before I can be with someone else. I need to find myself." Along this journey to find ourselves we are losing something vitally important; the ability to make a real and lasting commitment.
People are waiting longer and longer to get married. Current statistics say 27 years old for women and 29 for men with a projected addition of two years within the next forty. The desire for a masters degree, the perfect career, or even just time to go out and party, have far overshadowed the desire to settle down and have responsibility for anyone but ourselves. Even once the marriage threshold is crossed couples are waiting long into their thirties and even forties to have children. What used to be a blessing and a sign of prosperity is looked upon as a nuisance, simply something that cramps our style and costs money.
Now I am not claiming my path as the path for everyone. Some will not meet the person God has for them until much later in life. My point is that a majority in America are spending their twenties not even looking. The idea of spending the rest of their lives with someone and being tied down is a terrifying one.
While this fact saddens me, it fits perfectly into the current dogma of society. There is no putting other's needs before your own. There is only what makes "me" happy.

Don't get me wrong marriage is hard. It is is an act of refinement. A decision to love someone else, sins and all with the understanding that no, they will not always "make you happy" should not be entered into lightly. I love my husband very much, he is my best friend and my confidant. He has held me crying and comforted me on countless occasions and he is an amazing father to our kids. He is also the person who can most easily and quickly get under my skin. And the kids? Well they need you almost 24/7 from the time they are born. being a Mother or Father teaches you to put aside your own needs and desires for the sake of a crying grasping little person who, let's face it, doesn't know how NOT to be selfish yet. (that's part of our job)
It makes sense that in a society so focused on the me and the I and the happy and the easy that both marriages and kids would be petering off.
But what are these lives being sought after in reality? A life devoid of struggle, or a life were struggles must be faced alone? A life where money isn't an issue, or a life where the legacy you leave is a simply paycheck. A life of freedom, or a life devoid of real commitment?
While I could be spending my twenties stocking away savings and partying the night away. I am spending them hugging, holding, and caring for all the needs of two little people, and snuggling, sharing, and praying with my husband. It is not giving up my dreams, it is allowing my dreams to coincide with what God has planned. This way requires a lot of patience, a lot of struggle, and a lot of prayer, but I know that it is a life making a mark. God's path is different for every person but I am urging you to consider that his paths are often drastically different then what the world would have us see as right. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart usually means a shift in OUR desires once we are focused in the right direction, up. No matter what path he has for you, you can be certain that it will not be the easiest, but it will absolutely be the most rewarding. And at the end of the day I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. If this is stuck, than I am more than happy to stay stuck for the rest of my life.

Sous Chefs: Gnocchi

I don't usually post recipes but the kids and I had some much fun with this one I had to share. My favorite food to this day is Gnocchi (italian potato pasta). Not just any Gnocchi, home made gnocchi. The delicious and satisfying dumpling like pasta never fails to put a smile on my face and fill my stomach. Growing up it was my choice for every birthday meal. My Mom is an expert Gnocchi maker and I have used her recipe for years. Yesterday, faced with three extra peeled potatoes, I decided to try a few variations. Here is the recipe I came up with by mixing and tweaking the many available out there.

Kosher salt

3 peeled potatos

3 to 4 large egg yolks

1/2 cup  Parmesan cheese (freshly grated is best but I didn't have any on hand yesterday)

1/4 teaspoon  nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon salt

minced basil to taste

a few sprinkles of oragano

1/4 teaspoon black pepper (I used freshly ground but you don't have to)

1 cup all-purpose flour (and a bit more for dusting the pasta and flouring the table top)

1. Pre-heat oven to 425. Cut the potatoes into quarters. (my sous chef Beanie helped with this part) Spread a layer of salt over a baking sheet and bake for 20-30 minutes until soft.

2. Grate potatoes with a hand grater or food mill if you have one available.

3. Pile potatoes in a mound with a hole in the middle. Add all ingredients aside from flour. Use your hands to gently mix the ingredients try to avoid kneading.

4. Add flour a bit at a time mixing in between. You may need slightly more or less flour depending on the size of your potatoes. 

Dough is ready when you can roll it between your fingers and it stays in an oval shape without breaking apart or sticking drastically to your hands.

5. Divide the dough into 5 or six parts and roll out into what my sous chef Belle would call a snake. (about half inch in diameter) Then cut the "snakes" into small half inch to inch pieces. 

When you are finished they should look something like these.

Unless your sous chef is Belle. They they'll look like this.

6. Boil some water. When it reaches a rolling boil put the gnocchi in. Let boil for a minute and a half after gnocchi have begun to float. 

7. Drain and serve with your favorite marinara sauce or pesto. (mine is my grandma's recipe but I have to get permission before I publish that!)

Nothing will ever compare to those wonderful Sunday afternoons eating gnocchi at our big dining room table where everyone is talking and laughing at once. But this recipe seemed like a winner when my very picky son exclaimed...

 Yes! I actually DO want some more!!

Weighing it all Out

I can't take credit for this idea. It came from the mind of my husband and started with the kids being interested in a kitchen scale. It turned into a fun exploration with weight and numbers.

They started by placing some random objects on the scale that they picked up around the kitchen

We talked about which objects weighed the most and which weighed the least. The lightest was the little lady bug weighing in at less than an ounce. The heaviest weight we could get was 2 pounds when they weighed the hammer. Then we decided to add some objects together. We set a goal of exactly five pounds.

It turns our that was harder than it looked. Beanie babies and stuffed animals really don't weigh all that much. We stopped to think for a minute. What could we use to get to five pounds? We needed objects that were around the same size and could fit nicely on the scale. As Beanie pointed out "Things for measuring have to be the same size!" We finally arrived at the idea to use the wooden blocks from the playroom. Beanie thought it would take 5 blocks to get to five pounds. Belle said "pink" and "HUMONGOUS!"which seem to be her answer to everything.

 We stacked on one block after the other but soon realized that even with all 28 blocks on the scale we were just under 5 pounds. So we thought out loud. We need something else to add that only weighs a little bit. What did we weigh that might work?

The Little Lady bug!

I am not sure how clearly you can see it here but the lady bug put us at EXACTLY 5 pounds! Beanie was really excited and jumped up and down shouting "five! We did it!" I asked "How many blocks did it take?" he said "I thought it would be five but it was twenty-eight and a ladybug!"

We stopped the activity there for a lunch break but Beanie was still asking questions. "I wonder how many blocks it would take to get to ten pounds?" So I got out some cheese its and we did some exploration with them where we pretended the cheese its were the blocks. We did end up reaching a conclusion but I think it was a bit abstract for him at that point. 

Some other extension activities that would be great with this, especially with older kids would be:

- Record the weights of various objects and have challenges to figure out how to combine them and make a specific number.

- Weigh objects and use blocks and bugs or other smaller toys to get to the weight of the object.

- If you are doing it with multiple children have each weigh and object and then figure out how much they would all weigh together.

- You can also do some basic algebra like what I did with the cheese its. If 14 blocks equal 2 1/2 pounds how many pounds do 28 blocks weigh? 

This was a great introduction to weights and measurement and the kids both had a great time with it. You can really use any object that is a consistent size and kitchen scales can be found and thrift stores or on craigslist if you keep your eyes open:) Have a great time weighing, counting, and thinking critically!

From Perfectionism to Impressionism

Since my son was about 6 months old he has been a perfectionist. The first time we went to the beach he wouldn't set foot on the sand for at least an hour. We had to lay towels out so that he could walk around the umbrella. Now he is 3 and he still likes things to be set a certain way, he does best with routine and isn't a huge fan of change. When we go to the store he "fixes" the shelves; putting the candy in the right direction and replacing any that may be in the wrong containers. One of his proudest moments happened recently when the clerk thanked him for his help and gave him a penny. He was thrilled to bring it home and put it in his piggy bank. Now he tells everyone that he has a job. He has also always been a quick study. Most things that he tries he picks up quickly and can master without much time.

None of this is necessarily a bad thing, it's a part of his personality and in fact can be kind of sweet and endearing. The problem arises when he runs into a skill he can't learn quickly enough or a problem that he can't solve. He promptly either gives up or melts down into frustrated tears. This is especially evident when he tries to write or draw. He wants his pictures to look just like what he has in his head but the fine motor skills just aren't there yet. My husband has had some success with him doing dot to dots since that helps with fine motor practice. But he still gets really sad if his lines are wobbly or he "ruins it" by drawing to an out of order number. I have tried explaining that he is only three and that he is learning and practicing. I have tried praising him for simply trying but through his tears he can't hear or focus on that. It's gotten to the point where most of the time I can't even get him to hold the crayon.

I have been researching and thinking about ways to help him get used to the fact that you can't be good at everything all the time. One of the suggestions I kept coming across was, to paraphrase: give them a task that they can be successful at right away but that can be slowly built upon. That way once the larger goal is eventually achieved the child has something to refer to. Knowing based on previous experience that practice and sometimes "ruining" things is the way to learn. I rolled it around in my head. He wants to have his pictures look like what he sees in front of him how do I help him get there without the melt downs. That when I thought about the impressionists. A perfect combination of art and chaos. 

I included Belle in the activity as well, she loves to paint. We started the activity by looking at impressionist art on the computer. I told him that these pictures are painted and drawn by grown up artists who like to paint the things they see based on the colors and shapes. We talked about the paintings and what we saw in them, what we liked and didn't like. These are some of the paintings we viewed.

The painting that he seemed most excited by was this abstract impressionistic painting.

 He looked at it and asked "What is this one!" I asked what he thought and he said "It looks all splashy and splooshy! I think it might be rain. Is it rain? or maybe a splashy splooshy bathtub? I want to make a painting like this one!" So I told him we would look at some pictures of rain and see what colors he thought he needed to make his own rain painting. On a side note Belle kept exclaiming "Pink! Pink!"  and singing "rain rain go away" but that's beside the point.

We looked at photos of rain in all seasons and different times of the day. The one he was most drawn to was this one so we left it up on the computer and discussed the colors he saw.

He chose various shades of blue and some white and started painting. Belle exclaimed "Pink!" one more time but then wanted the blue also. Then they started painting.

 

He started with some white dots and then switched to the blue in long lines. He was smiling the whole time and so proud of the end result! 

Here is the finished product:

Then we switched over to another rain picture with a yellow leaf in it.

Here is the finished product (for some reason it is showing up sideways and I can't figure out how to fix it):

And finally we switched gears a bit and he asked to see pictures of the circus. Here is the inspiration shot:

And here is the final product:

I don't want to leave Belle out. She took more of a whack the paint onto the paper and then paint my own hands approach:)

Here's her picture:

This activity went better than I could have hoped. He was so happy with his paintings and genuinely felt that they looked the way he wanted. He even said "I did it myself! Some things are crazy but it's okay." He embraced being an impressionist to the fullest extent possible.

 Now I am not saying that we are through the woods, painting is a different world from using a pencil. Here is what I'm thinking in terms of progress. The next time we will switch to pastels, then markers, then crayons and so on. I want to slowly build on the experience we had today until the point that he is confident it putting his own mark on a blank page. We will continue to work on the fine motor skills in other ways as well. My hope is that eventually he will build up enough confidence to try writing his letters without breaking down because "his R is wobbly." Unfortunately life is not well ordered and I am hoping that this process will not only help him deal with the inevitability that sometimes things will be "crazy" and even get "ruined" but life goes on. Everything will not be perfect all the time and trying new things is hard but worthwhile. I know what you are thinking. That's a lot to ask for from some paint and paper but I'm optimistic. I'll post as we go along, thanks for being a part of the process.

SCENTsational Fun in the Kitchen!

I am always on the hunt for great sensory activities and today the herbs from our garden and the awesome toys my husband makes provided a great one. 

My hubby made these toys lovingly with his own hands and the kids play with them all the time. They fit perfectly in their hands and Belle and Bean use them to play everything from cooking to putting on pretend make-up (Belle sometimes mixes up the use of the mortar and Pestle.) On other occasions they have used the mortar and pestle to grind up cereal.

Beanie and Belle love to sample the herbs from the garden. The fact that it is grown in our back yard is a huge novelty to them. We don't last long in the back yard before one or both of them have a mouthful of thyme, oregano, or basil. Picking the herbs is a sensory experience in itself but today we expanded on that idea and brought the herbs inside.

   

As they played, slicing and grinding the herbs, it released the oils and filled the kitchen with a wonderful aroma. Four of their five senses were engaged as they smelled, tasted, touched, the herbs. We even brought in a cognitive component as they were reminded what the herbs are called and what plants need to grow. The kids had a blast with this. You can use any kid friendly kitchen tools (e.g. rolling pins or a garlic press) but if you are looking for toys that will really enhance the experience then feel free to check out Robin's Etsy shop Fiddlehead Toys.

If you don't have access to a garden, fresh herbs can be bought at most grocery stores in the produce section. Thanks for reading and I hope you and your kiddos have your own SCENTsational experience.

What is a Squeeble?

I swap kiddos with a friend of mine so that we both can work and today was my day. All week I had been waking up to sunshine and I was excited to do some really fun, messy, outdoor activities when they came.

But of course, the best laid plans of Moms'...I woke up to rain. It wasn't the end of the world, we had been playing inside due to the cold until very recently so I was just a little bummed.

Then the pushing, complaining, and arguing started. Something about rainy days brings out the whiny and crazy in even the most wonderful children. My usual thought would have been to pull out paint or play dough or pop on a show but for some reason on this particular rainy day inspiration struck and the result was a morning full of active engaged kids.

It all started when Belle rooted through my school bag and pulled out some puffy, shaggy, silky pom-poms. All four kids were enamored by them. They were petting them and talking to them and showing them around the play room. Beanie asked in a voice of wonderment "Mom, what are these soft guys? They are so cute!" Instead of answering "pom-poms" I said "baby squeebles" and we were off. I explained that the squeebles were visiting for the day and that they needed us to show them how to play.
"But Mrs. Beanie's Mom, they don't have any eyes!"

Out came the puffy paint, now we had pom-poms with eyes.

The next question was "Can we use the blocks to make a house for them?" Of course! They even took the time to clean the play room because I told them they couldn't take the blocks out until they made space on the floor.
When it started to become apparent that they were getting tired of the blocks so we decided to play a game.

Get the Squeebles Home (a fine AND gross motor game)
supplies:
Pom-poms
ladles and/or chop sticks
construction paper

Object: Jump from construction paper square to square. Scoop up the pom-poms in the ladles or pinch them with the chop sticks and bring them back "home" without dropping them.

That lasted for awhile and then...
"They miss their Mommy's, what do squeeble Mommys' look like?"

I don't know what do you think? Lets go draw some!
They discussed and drew, apparently squeeble Mommys are round with beaks and feet and stripes.
The two little ones got involved as well scribbling on their own papers and squealing with laughter whenever their big brother's did.
The squeeble Mommys were cut out and introduced to their babies and low and behold, the next game took shape.

Help the Mommy Squeebles find the baby squeebles. 
They took turns hiding the squeebles and carrying the Mommy's around to find them.

Belle and her little friend helped search and were delighted when their big brothers let them be the ones to find a baby squeeble.

After we took a break for lunch the squeebles "wanted to have their own place to play." For this the kids each got a piece of construction paper and some construction paper shapes. They rearranged them on their big papers to make play houses, trampolines, and slides for the squeebles.

They were still doing it when my friend arrived to pick her kids up.

There have been so many days that I was in teacher mode, wracking my brain and searching Pintrest for something new, fun, creative, and exciting to do with the kids. I think sometimes I am working so hard to come up with engaging activities that I forget how creative the three year old mind really is. They are full of questions, ideas, and excitement and it was so rewarding to watch the way today unfolded.